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My Unhealthy Life / My True Identity : A Fangirl! /

Calie. 尹敏荷. 21. Indonesian. Muslim. not a flaming nationalist. fulltime student. good daughter. aspiring activist for children. a normal economics student and language learner. foreigner residing in Turkey's student city.
「ELF. Petal.」

My Twitter / My Fangirl Blog / My Facebook Page

This blog contains 30% nonsense blabbering, 30% fangirling, 30% humanity issues, and 10% general entertainment. Welcome!
Out of all Heechul’s gorgeous pictures ever taken, I would like to choose one where Heechul just smiles (because it is my favorite, no matter how frustratingly handsome he is while smirking). On a gif above, Leeteuk just shouted “Happy birthday Heechul” during a No Other stage on Heechul’s birthday in 2010. I will never forget how Heechul seemed to be taken aback only to smile happily right after.

Heechul- has done many things in and to my life, he has meddled in it, poisoned it, brought it upside down at some point, driven the one owning it crazy but he has also made the so called life owner learn many things, big or trivial, relevant or irrelevant. He has, though probably not intentionally, helped this life owner.
True, Heechul started my addiction toward entertainment industry, which is not exactly good, I should say. In a world where many people suffer each day, one is not supposed to be blinded from awareness of it by indulging himself to the shimmering, glamorous entertainment industry, and one is totally not supposed to be driven by the temptation of consuming more and spending money nonchalantly, as if people in need didn’t exist, which I have pretty much done more after I started knowing Heechul and Super Junior. 
Those are why I write that Heechul has poisoned my life.

My love for K-Pop and my unending affections toward many K-Pop idols have unconsciously affected me in deciding many things in life. At some point (even nowadays) I still think about studying in Korea. I can’t say that I want to study in Korea because I want to stalk celebrities, but I totally can’t say that I want to pursue my study there because of my curiosity of the culture or that I have done many researches about how great the education system is or some other valid reasons either.
That is one of the proofs Heechul meddles in my life, he’s the one who started it.

Almost two years ago, nearing the end of August, a shocking news emerged on the internet. At that very moment, I couldn’t do anything, I wanted to break things, but I also wanted to hug someone so badly at the same time, the only thing that I finally did was to cry myself to sleep, and I did the same thing for two days after that.
I argued with my friends, they said I was obsessed, I was exaggerating, I was childish and we argued to the point that one of them said I was no one in Kim Heechul’s life. And while everyone should take that as a wake-up call, I didn’t. 
At that time they didn’t know how much Kim Heechul meant to me. I didn’t, I have never, imagined or fantasized, not in my wildest dream that Kim Heechul would befriend me. Not like many fangirls, I have always been perfectly aware that Kim Heechul is a celebrity whom I can only see and treasure from faraway. But he just meant too much that his abrupt disappearance, the thought of not being able to see him for two years, kind of broke my heart.
Never had I been so crazy about anything, but Kim Heechul drove me crazy.
—

Heechul’s eccentric personality, his fantastic sense of humor, his narcissism, his beauty, and even his love for cats are no more secret among K-Pop fans before 2011 (the year of his enlistment). I think he was a legend, especially in variety shows. He was either loved or hated very much.
 
But there are, more subtle, qualities of Heechul that only ELF (especially Petals) are aware of. One would be surprised at how fangirls know many things about their idols. 
 
Heechul is caring, much more caring than he is given credit for. I guess no one will forget his conversation with Kyuhyun regarding Radio Star, or Heechul sending flower wreath to one of his fans that got married.
Another infamous story among Heechul’s fans is the incident of Yunho’s food poisoning, where Heechul had to curse openly on his blog to express his anger and to protect his friend, or when he slapped Hangeng’s anti in 2006. He’s never known to be a person that tries to please everyone and nothing can get in his way to show his loyalty toward his friends.
Heechul being a softie at heart is also something that only few people know. Do you recall the time when he cried after holding an orphan? Or the post on his blog after Hangeng left SJ?
 
Even though I love Heechul being snarky and full of himself, I also love the times when Heechul shows that he is actually fragile, a normal human being that can also get hurt.
And even though most of the time he shows his confident and sharp side with his die-you-bitch commentaries, I also love seeing his loving and caring side that often gets overshadowed by his weird persona.
I also love it when he sings, at first I thought he never wanted to be a singer, but now I know that he actually has a secret passion for singing. Whenever he gets the chance to sing what he wants, he always does it passionately.
I have since long understood that Heechul is disliked by many people, but will I be called deluded if I say they are all either in denial or.. they don’t know enough. Because there should be nobody that don’t like this precious and rare human being :D

These many sides of Heechul have taught me not to judge people easily, if not at all. That you never have enough information about a person to think that you know them that well and decide whether to love or hate them. 
Whenever he lashed out at antis in the past, one incident that I cannot forget is him getting back on an anti on twitter saying SJ were ‘slaves’. By doing that, Heechul has also taught me how to sacrifice my image and reputation to defend a cause that I think is right.

When I was in my last year in high school, I felt like everything was a mess. I tried so hard to do my best and there were times when I just thought, maybe, just maybe, I should just give up because everything seemed to be beyond my limit. I re-watched some shows of Heechul and Super Junior from a few years earlier and I got suddenly pumped up to do more. I realized that whatever we want to be, working less hard and giving up will never get me anywhere. Just like them, I want to succeed, so just like them, I need to always give my best and not complain.

As the years passed by, and as I mature, I started to learn more from Heechul and leave the bad habits I got from liking him. This is exactly why I think loving him is worth it.

It has been almost two years and in less than two months Kim Heechul will be released from being a public officer. He will again join Super Junior and be that outstanding entertainer that he always is.
If I am to be perfectly honest, I didn’t even notice that it has been two years. Two supposedly-to-be-freaking long years. It’s as if it had gone on a blink of eye. But I am still glad the wait will be over soon.

Kim Heechul, this is my third year celebrating and writing something for your birthday and while what I write won’t actually reach you, I certainly hope my prayer will reach God so that He will protect you from things that can harm you. I always pray for your safety and happiness.
Happy 31st birthday Kim Heechul, my favorite forever young idol. I love you.

Out of all Heechul’s gorgeous pictures ever taken, I would like to choose one where Heechul just smiles (because it is my favorite, no matter how frustratingly handsome he is while smirking). On a gif above, Leeteuk just shouted “Happy birthday Heechul” during a No Other stage on Heechul’s birthday in 2010. I will never forget how Heechul seemed to be taken aback only to smile happily right after.

Heechul- has done many things in and to my life, he has meddled in it, poisoned it, brought it upside down at some point, driven the one owning it crazy but he has also made the so called life owner learn many things, big or trivial, relevant or irrelevant. He has, though probably not intentionally, helped this life owner.

True, Heechul started my addiction toward entertainment industry, which is not exactly good, I should say. In a world where many people suffer each day, one is not supposed to be blinded from awareness of it by indulging himself to the shimmering, glamorous entertainment industry, and one is totally not supposed to be driven by the temptation of consuming more and spending money nonchalantly, as if people in need didn’t exist, which I have pretty much done more after I started knowing Heechul and Super Junior. 

Those are why I write that Heechul has poisoned my life.

My love for K-Pop and my unending affections toward many K-Pop idols have unconsciously affected me in deciding many things in life. At some point (even nowadays) I still think about studying in Korea. I can’t say that I want to study in Korea because I want to stalk celebrities, but I totally can’t say that I want to pursue my study there because of my curiosity of the culture or that I have done many researches about how great the education system is or some other valid reasons either.

That is one of the proofs Heechul meddles in my life, he’s the one who started it.

Almost two years ago, nearing the end of August, a shocking news emerged on the internet. At that very moment, I couldn’t do anything, I wanted to break things, but I also wanted to hug someone so badly at the same time, the only thing that I finally did was to cry myself to sleep, and I did the same thing for two days after that.

I argued with my friends, they said I was obsessed, I was exaggerating, I was childish and we argued to the point that one of them said I was no one in Kim Heechul’s life. And while everyone should take that as a wake-up call, I didn’t. 

At that time they didn’t know how much Kim Heechul meant to me. I didn’t, I have never, imagined or fantasized, not in my wildest dream that Kim Heechul would befriend me. Not like many fangirls, I have always been perfectly aware that Kim Heechul is a celebrity whom I can only see and treasure from faraway. But he just meant too much that his abrupt disappearance, the thought of not being able to see him for two years, kind of broke my heart.

Never had I been so crazy about anything, but Kim Heechul drove me crazy.

Heechul’s eccentric personality, his fantastic sense of humor, his narcissism, his beauty, and even his love for cats are no more secret among K-Pop fans before 2011 (the year of his enlistment). I think he was a legend, especially in variety shows. He was either loved or hated very much.

 

But there are, more subtle, qualities of Heechul that only ELF (especially Petals) are aware of. One would be surprised at how fangirls know many things about their idols. 

 

Heechul is caring, much more caring than he is given credit for. I guess no one will forget his conversation with Kyuhyun regarding Radio Star, or Heechul sending flower wreath to one of his fans that got married.

Another infamous story among Heechul’s fans is the incident of Yunho’s food poisoning, where Heechul had to curse openly on his blog to express his anger and to protect his friend, or when he slapped Hangeng’s anti in 2006. He’s never known to be a person that tries to please everyone and nothing can get in his way to show his loyalty toward his friends.

Heechul being a softie at heart is also something that only few people know. Do you recall the time when he cried after holding an orphan? Or the post on his blog after Hangeng left SJ?

 

Even though I love Heechul being snarky and full of himself, I also love the times when Heechul shows that he is actually fragile, a normal human being that can also get hurt.

And even though most of the time he shows his confident and sharp side with his die-you-bitch commentaries, I also love seeing his loving and caring side that often gets overshadowed by his weird persona.

I also love it when he sings, at first I thought he never wanted to be a singer, but now I know that he actually has a secret passion for singing. Whenever he gets the chance to sing what he wants, he always does it passionately.

I have since long understood that Heechul is disliked by many people, but will I be called deluded if I say they are all either in denial or.. they don’t know enough. Because there should be nobody that don’t like this precious and rare human being :D

These many sides of Heechul have taught me not to judge people easily, if not at all. That you never have enough information about a person to think that you know them that well and decide whether to love or hate them. 

Whenever he lashed out at antis in the past, one incident that I cannot forget is him getting back on an anti on twitter saying SJ were ‘slaves’. By doing that, Heechul has also taught me how to sacrifice my image and reputation to defend a cause that I think is right.

When I was in my last year in high school, I felt like everything was a mess. I tried so hard to do my best and there were times when I just thought, maybe, just maybe, I should just give up because everything seemed to be beyond my limit. I re-watched some shows of Heechul and Super Junior from a few years earlier and I got suddenly pumped up to do more. I realized that whatever we want to be, working less hard and giving up will never get me anywhere. Just like them, I want to succeed, so just like them, I need to always give my best and not complain.

As the years passed by, and as I mature, I started to learn more from Heechul and leave the bad habits I got from liking him. This is exactly why I think loving him is worth it.

It has been almost two years and in less than two months Kim Heechul will be released from being a public officer. He will again join Super Junior and be that outstanding entertainer that he always is.

If I am to be perfectly honest, I didn’t even notice that it has been two years. Two supposedly-to-be-freaking long years. It’s as if it had gone on a blink of eye. But I am still glad the wait will be over soon.

Kim Heechul, this is my third year celebrating and writing something for your birthday and while what I write won’t actually reach you, I certainly hope my prayer will reach God so that He will protect you from things that can harm you. I always pray for your safety and happiness.

Happy 31st birthday Kim Heechul, my favorite forever young idol. I love you.

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